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Jun. 18th, 2008 | 02:10 pm

Being broke sucks. I can't find a job anywhere so I beyond broke. Next year my college isn't even giving me enough money to pay for the year. I love some stupid shit like that. A little bit of good news though. I got me a tongue piercing. ^_^ Hmm...what else...nada. Just wanted to let anyone still reading this stuff know I am alive. Anyway, hope everyone is doing good.

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May. 13th, 2008 | 02:55 pm
mood: blahblah

A Haunting, the show I just talked about is way too Christian oriented. Another episode is talking about the evil wiccan. In this episode it is based on a barn that was obviously a site of satanic worship (the found a pentagram and a candle so you can see what I mean) and an animal skull held a demonic spirit that is taking this woman over. It said "Your God can't help you now." I like this show but, come on!, wicca does not denote satan worship. Learn before you start talking. Okay onto some update on my life...

Religion...I don't know. Not I don't know what I believe but I don't know about religion right now. On my best days I like to believe it's possible something is out there and on most days I fear what it could mean if there is. So, yeah, whatever that is. I've been thinking about a couple different tattoos...not that I have any money. This semester in school just sucked so here at the end of the year is sucking majorly. Life sucks all around. I haven't had a job in forever and no one wants to hire me. I've been mooching money off my mom for like 3 months for rent and food. I got an amazing 2 B's and 3 C's this semester bring the ol' GPA down to a horrifying 3.046. I feel so fucking stupid with a 3.0. No one wants to give me a job and with no car my possible job radius is lacking in size to say the least. I have no one to keep me wamr at night which just rocks. Of course, I don't think about it too much wiith the lack of a job and the worthlessness I feel at having to get money from my mom. I scrounge the tiny bit of change around the apartment for my cigarettes, which I keep claiming I'm gonna quit. I don't really know why I lie to myself. Hmm...what else is going on? Nothing really. Life is just sucking all around and good for me I've lost God. Poor attempt at humor. Good...I have some male influence in my life now. My brother moved down here and we've been hanging out. That's cool. My mom is frightened I'm gonna end up like him I think. He isn't the best role model if you know what I mean. I shaved my head (he's bald) so she thinks I'm trying to be like him. Really, I guess I am in some way but it's not like I am going to end up like him, you know? I mean I know why she is worried. I do look up to him but I know that he has been really stupid. My dad is kind of in my life for now so that's cool too. He calls every once in a while and we talk for a bit. He's happy we have the same kind of blunt way of looking at the world. I get why he is happy to hear it but at the same time I think he is kind of stupid to be happy about it. I wouldn't want my kids to see the world like I do. I mean, I don't want them to be blind to the truth of the world but I want them to see the good that I sometimes am blind to. I have a horrifying way of looking at the world. I see the blunt truth of the bad but sometimes have trouble seeing the good. So...uhh...poor, loveless, pessimistic (not really new), and godless. That's me right now. Anyway, there's the update. Sorry I've been so silent forever. Till my next post (hopefully soon).

P.S. I've been smoking a little bit of weed recently...quite nice. :D I wish it was legal...it just makes everything better. It calms the nerves, you know. Anyway, just though y'all should know.

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Found a new reason to denounce christianity

May. 13th, 2008 | 02:49 pm
mood: angryangry

It makes sons hate their mommas. Okay, not really hate their mommas. I am currently finishing up an episode of "A Haunting" on discovery channel and this episode is about some kid who found god in the military. He went into the military after highschool and came back christian only to find his momma, dun dun duunnnn, wiccan. He fears that she has brought something evil into the house and has "opened doors she can't close." Personally, my feeling on it is that he brought in some bad mojo...it's not cool, bringing bad mojo into someone else's house, DON'T DO IT! Anyway, he seems to be trying to save his momma, surely because god still loves her and he wants her to turn toward the light. You know, like Carolaine (okay, that was lame but i thought of that wierd little lady in the poltergeise movie...go towards the light carolaine...wierd little lady is awesome). Anyway, back to christianity turning boys against mommas. It is really pissing me off. I mean she was fine when the kid was in the military and then he comes home and now some "evil" stuff is happening. I'm telling you, he brought in some bad mojo. Damn christians. Okay, just had to post this...what do y'all think.

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Wierd inquiry

Jan. 23rd, 2008 | 02:55 am
mood: chipperchipper

I'm thinking about getting a genital piercing and was wondering if anyone could answer some questions about them or knows a good source for getting questions answered. Yeah, I am a freak but it seems like the thing to do. Don't question my values, thanks for the help and hopefully a few questions...questions are fun. Lol, tata.

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Post to journal

Jan. 9th, 2008 | 10:21 am

Post what? I don't really know but I do know it's been a while since I showed my face. Why? Again, I don't know. I just don't really do much on the computer when I am home. It's just what's up. What to say, what to say. Sounds like I got a lot to say, huh? Well, I don't. Really I have nothing to say. Wierd because I've been silent for like ever but, hey, my life is pretty uneventful. Well, umm...I'm alive. I don't really have anything to say but I thought I'd post. Maybe later I'll open up some more.

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Love at first sight?

Dec. 11th, 2007 | 08:39 am

No, no, it's not what I wish it was. I watched a movie this morning, "Imagine Me & You," and it got me thinking in the wee hours of my mourning cigarette. I asked myself, as I often do, what I think of love, among other things and this is what the conversation came to. I believe that the truest, strongest love is that love at first sight. Eyes meet and instantly it's there, there is nothing that can be done to stop it and it was meant to be from that glance. However, so few people ever get that glance, ever meet "the one." Most people make their love together and that is good. Not to say that I think that it is as good as the love at first sight but it is good. That love is powerful and is meaningful and it is usually the best you can get out of life. God, I sound horrible, I know I do. Still, though, gonna say it. I think that no matter the circumstances if you get the glance, if you lock eyes and your soul goes ablaze you have to go for it. Drop everything and find the person. Well, I think you have to and you have to. I say that because you should go and actively search for that soul and because I think that's the way things work. I don't think with the first sight love you can just let it go. I just don't think the universe works that way. It really sounds like I've met someone but I haven't. I have no idea why I'm posting this. Oh, I also found out I'm a chick, lol. Really though, I am totally a chick and a huge sucker for love. But I digress. Yeah, love at first sight, it's good. That was stupid but I've run out of words. Anyway, felt like posting.

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Dec. 1st, 2007 | 10:09 am
location: A crossroads
mood: contemplativecontemplative

I had a dream last night. It was important, I know it was but it's slipping so I'll do my best to remember it. Interpret if you can... I lived somewhere. My room was on the second floor but I had no wall. I never used my door but climbed into the room. Something bothered me for some time. I thought it was downstairs but it wasn't. It wasn't in another real room. It was outside the world and between it or something. I never saw my door or the "door" beside it. It was a water mark or something to the side of my door in the relative shape of a door (a rectangle on the wall). I went out and saw it but didn't do anything. Then I did. I knocked or opened the "water mark door". It was empty but I walked. An invisible branch was there. I walked on air. I fell, something caught me. It was Jesus. We talked and even as I write this I lose the subject matter but I know it. We talked of faith, of humanity, and of the truth. We talked of love. I don't what to say. I understood and kind of understand now but I'm lost. Something in me wants to cry... Have I found faith in a prophet I've always mocked? Was this a revelation? I think it was... Does that make sense? I think I was visited by a prophet I never cared about and I don't know what to do. Random synapses created an ongoing image? Revelation? Newfound faith? I don't know. I just wanted to get something down before it was completely gone. Whatever, if you see something in the books about the unfaithful finding Jesus or whatever let me know. What was/is it?

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hour before class after eternity

Nov. 29th, 2007 | 01:00 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative

truth burried in a random messCollapse )

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meme...and i wasn't going to do this

Nov. 15th, 2007 | 10:43 am

Comment, and I will comment back with a picture of the fictional character that most reminds me of you. Then post the same in your journal.

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I couldn't resist...

Oct. 17th, 2007 | 07:44 am
mood: sillytickled

I like Sesshoumaru more but this was too damn good. LOL...ROFLOL...ROFLMAO!!! ...still laughing

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